Crock Pot Cubed Steak

I found a recipe that was sorta/kinda like this one, but apparently it was written by a woman, and it had things about recipes that women care about, but that make no sense to men.  There were all sorts of measurements in it.. 1 lb this, 1 can that... cook this long, simmer for WHATEVER.  Anyway... there were just too many dang instructions for a real man to follow. 
So.. I modified it and wrote it up so a real man can cook it, use real men terms, and measure it in ways that make sense to men.  So if you're the kind of man who wants to know how you cook cube steak in a crock pot without worrying about whether your stockings were going to choke off your air supply... here it is.

Things you're going to put in it:
  • Some cube steaks you bought and froze because they were on sale and cheap.
  • Some mushroom soup that your girlfriend/wife bought to make something else with.
  • Some water.  Not that fancy kind from a bottle... .you can get it from the tap.
  • those little cubes of powder beef.  Beef bull-onions or something like that.
  • Some onions.  If they have tops growing out of them... just cut that off.  They are still good.
  • Pepper and Garlic Salt
  1. Wash the cubed steak and put it in a bowl. Plastic, tin, ceramic... it don't matter. It's just a bowl.
  2. Pour the mushroom soup in the bottom of the crock pot.  Then fill up the can with water and swoosh it around, or use a spoon to get that stuff on the side of the can, then pour it into the crock pot.
  3. Sprinkle some garlic salt and pepper on the cubed steaks that are on the top in the bowl, and put the steaks with the side you seasoned face down on the bottom of the crock pot and on top of the mushroom souip.
  4. Sprinkle the cubed steaks in the crock pot with garlic salt and pepper then put sliced onion on top of them. You want the onions in there so that the steaks won't stick together while they are cooking.  As an added bonus, you can use onion breath on Billy Bob to get him to leave after dinner.  
  5. Repeat steps 4 - 6 until you have all the cubed steaks in the Crock pot.
  6. Wash some carrots and put them on top of the whole getup.
  7. Set the crock pot on high and go do something important for an little while. A few suggestions are:
    1. Go hit some balls at the driving range.
    2. Surf the Internet for the phrase "Watch this!" 
    3. Clean your gun(s).
    4. Watch your kids cut the grass, wash the car, clean the garage or anything else you need them to do.
    5. Talk to your wife or girlfriend about stuff they like.  That way you won't have to do it during the game or during Star Trek, Die Hard, Terminator, or the Matrix.
    6. Or you can just watch a game on tv, and move to step 8 at half time.
  8. Reduce to low and cook for a while.  There's really not a time set in stone for this because, the meat is pretty much cooked after the first hour.  It's all a matter of taste and stuff after that.  Do you want to be able to cut it with a fork (requires four quarters of football)  or do you prefer a knife? (you can eat it at halftime)
  9. Put it on a plate and eat it.
  10. Put the crock pot in the sink so your girlfriend/wife can clean it.  After talked to her for an hour earlier in the day...can't she help out a little bit?
Notes: You don't have to use garlic salt and pepper.  You can put barbeque sauce and beer in it if you want to. Salsa, chili pepper and cayenne if you want.  It won't matter.  If you let it cook long enough, the smell gets all over your house, and nobody will complain about it anyway.


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